Please note: all jokes told with love, and in one gender (masculine or feminine) because it's easier and probably funnier. New jokes will appear regularly, so bookmark the site and be sure and revisit us. We also love submissions for the joke page; via our email at info@hotsound.com.

New Jokes!!

Did you hear about the bass player that was so bad even the drummer noticed?

How do you make a duck into a soul singer?
Put it in the microwave until its bill withers

B flat, D flat and F walk into a bar. The bartender says "We don't serve minors". So D flat leaves, and B flat and F have an open fifth between them

A letter, addressed "To the world's greatest drummer", arrives at the home of Louie Bellson. He takes one look at it, and says, "well, this is obviously not for me", and forwards it to Gene Krupa. Krupa also takes one look at it, and also says, "well, this is obviously not for me", and he forwards it as well. The letter makes the rounds of famous drummers' homes, until it finally winds up at the home of Buddy Rich. He takes one look at it, and says, "well, this is obviously for me", rips it open, and reads "Dear Ringo...."

Yogi Berra Explains Jazz!!

Interviewer: "What do expect is in store for the future of jazz guitar?"

Yogi: "I'm thinkin' there'll be a group of guys who've never met talkin' about it all the time.."

Interviewer: Can you explain jazz?

Yogi: I can't, but I will. 90% of all jazz is half improvisation. The other half is the part people play while others are playing something they never played with anyone who played that part. So if you play the wrong part, its right. If you play the right part, it might be right if you play it wrong enough. But if you play it too right, it's wrong.

Interviewer: I don't understand.

Yogi: Anyone who understands jazz knows that you can't understand it. It's too complicated. That's what's so simple about it.

Interviewer: Do you understand it?

Yogi: No. That's why I can explain it. If I understood it, I wouldn't know anything about it.

Interviewer: Are there any great jazz players alive today?

Yogi: No. All the great jazz players alive today are dead. Except for the ones that are still alive. But so many of them are dead, that the ones that are still alive are dying to be like the ones that are dead. Some would kill for it.

Interviewer: What is syncopation?

Yogi: That's when the note that you should hear now happens either before or after you hear it. In jazz, you don't hear notes when they happen because that would be some other type of music. Other types of music can be jazz, but only if they're the same as something different from those other kinds.

Interviewer: Now I really don't understand.

Yogi: I haven't taught you enough for you to not understand jazz that well.

Da Utter Jokes

What did the ProTools engineer say to the singer?
That sucked; come on in

Kenny G walks into an elevator and says, "Man, this place is HAPPENING!"

What's the last thing a drummer says before he's thrown out of the band?
"Let's play one of MY songs"

What's the difference between a musician and a large Domino's pizza?
A large Domino's pizza CAN feed a family of four

Have you heard the one about the guitar player that plays in tune?
...........neither have I.

What was the epitaph on the blues player's gravestone?
"I didn't wake up this morning..."

How can you tell if the stage is level?
The drummer drools evenly out of both sides of his mouth.

What do you throw a drowning guitar player?
His amp.

How do you make a guitar player play softer?
Put a chart in front of him.

How do you make a keyboard player play softer?
Take his chart away.

How do you get two soprano sax players to play a minor second apart?
Have them read off the same chart.

How do you get two guitar players to play in counterpoint?
Have them read off the same chart.

How do you get two piccolo players to play in perfect unison?
Shoot one.

General Custer and his aide were in the fort. The aide said, "General, I don't like the sound of those drums."
From over in the hills you hear a voice yell, "It's not our regular drummer."

How many engineers does it take to change a lightbulb?
1) "Is that an analog bulb or a digital bulb?"
2) "It's in the manual, You DID READ THE MANUAL, DIDN'T YOU?"
3) "That's visual. I only do audio"

How many record producers does it take to change a lightbulb?
"I don't know. What do you think?"

How many drummers does it take to change a lightbulb?
None. They have machines to do that now.

How many bass players does it take to change a lightbulb?
None; the piano player does it with his left hand.

How many bass players does it take to change a lightbulb?
One. Five. One. Five. One. Five.

How many sound men does it take to change a lightbulb?
"One, two, three; one, two, three."

How many alto sax players does it take to change a lightbulb?
Five: one to handle the bulb and four to contemplate how David Sanborn would've done it.

How does a soprano change a lightbulb?
She just holds on and the world revolves around her.

How many altos does it take to change a lightbulb?
None; they can't get up that high.

How many jazz pianists does it take to change a lightbulb?
Screw the changes, we'll fake it.

How many union roadies does it take to change a lightbulb?
Eleven. You got a problem with that?!

How many trumpet players does it take to change a lightbulb?
Five: one to handle the bulb, and the other four to tell him how much better they could've done it.

Why are classical conductors so in demand as organ donors?
Because their hearts have barely been used.

Whatís the difference between a violin and a bass?
A bass burns longer.

What do you call a drummer with no girlfiend?
Homeless.

Did you hear about the drummer who locked his keys in his car?
It took him 45 minutes to get his drums, the bass amp, and the bass player out.

The bass player came tearing out a club in hot pursuit of another guy.
The bouncer asked him, "What's the problem?"
Puffed the bassist "That guy turned one of my tuning pegs, and he won't tell me which one."

How many female country vocalists does it take to sing "Crazy"?
Apparently, all of them!